Moving to Maine

About 15 years ago, I was misdiagnosed with a debilitating disease, which turned out to be nothing more than i am a very unique person with a very unique brain.  I have Functional Neurological Disorder, meaning that my brain is wired differently from the majority of human beings.  I am trying to chronical my journey toward making FND and other neurodivesities a part of the normal in as many places as possible!

Also, my beautiful partner is being offered some really cool stuff in Maine-a magical mystical land full of Moose-lodges, Peepers, Blueberries and Fairies!  Luckily some family members have offered to let us stay on their land so….win/win!

We are moving to a new home, where the one medication that can help me is legal!



Review of Monster Bride

featured in Vantage Points by the contritions of the phoenix publications

“Only this woman, who was two and has been made one by a Commoner’s hand, will bear fruit for the tree, the roots of which feed the Nile floods its banks. There must be a husband for each wife and a wife for each husband, else the rags run red. The seeds of the dying tree will mix or the great house will become a tomb. The God Has Spoken,” Nefrit said.
And Titus felt an urge to vomit. He fell to his knees as he had been taught from childhood and kissed the hem of the oracle’s gown.
“Blessed is the instrument of Apollo…” Titus began to say through his tears, only to be interrupted by Polly.
“TE-DI-OUS,” she sang out. ”Now that’s been sorted, let us go home and let me have my merry way with the two of you as the God commands.”

somehow weyodi squid managed to take every sub-genre of fiction i loathe, cram it into one work and come out with a masterpiece of perfection! monster bride (monstrum mundi book 1) is definately in my top 20 favorite novels of the past five years-i do read a lot. it had to literally be forced down my throat because the four words “science” “fiction” “romance” “novel” used in any combo generally leave me gagging. the idea of laser phasers, clones, tang, heavy bosoms and pulsating members…well, come on…i can totally watch star trek and not have to use much imagination and uhura was smokin’ hot. under extreme duress i began my journey into the symbolic world of polycorpus plumber; within 2 chapters i was enchanted; by the end of the book i was screamin’ “hell yeah!!!!!”
i first need to indicate my extreme displeasure in calling this at all a “romance novel” because it is by no means romantic. it is a novel with sex. it is a novel with loads of sex, but that is where the similarity dead ends. i read a few romance novels when i was young which was fun because it was wordy porn, but after age 10 there was generally better reading material in nudie mags. sex is an integral part of the relationship dynamics of monster bride inasmuch as sex is an integral dynamic in a relationship between a woman, her husband and her husband’s cousin, and the doing it business is essentially scenery not plot. weyodi squid manages to use the word cunt with so much affection and affirmation it makes me proud to be a lady! no overly floral synonyms in this book-nitty gritty!
the story takes place in futuristic london-if the roman empire had never retreated. there is an intense amount of ancient rites, social orders and amalgamation of cultures from egyptian, babylonian, greek, and various others which is historically accurate with what was seen in the pre-christian rome. the populace of londinium celebrated saturnalia and lupercalia while also using electricity provided by eels, transportation of flying ships and people who are reanimated from death. there is pulsing patriarchal imperialism and the social elites are the uncommon monsters while the commoners, who are allowed to work, hold no position of authority or social importance.
titus albinus, head of the londinium aristocracy with military decoration and priest to apollo, was convinced by his greatgreat(etc) grandmother, an oracle, to marry polycorpus, a girl made of pieces and parts of more than one dead infant and reanimated because she would be the only female able to give birth to his children, most importantly his son, even though she was said to be made of the parts of only common infants. titus was easily won over because his need to carry on the family legacy and name was desperate and his previous, uncommon monster wives, all four, had all died trying to give birth to his little bundles of joy. titus was rich, respected, able to shimmer into invisibility and possessed the best etiquette. polycorpus, on the other hand, was common, strong, clumsy, cared nothing about society or protocol and had the misfortune of being a female who had never been told she was not supposed to think for herself. stephen was titus’ cousin, but had none of the comforts of his title. stephen spent his time working as the head of inventions in the museum, was born of sorcery, therefore an abomination, able to kill people with his touch and was madly in love with his cousin’s wife. series of events and a prophecy the oracle gave lead to a rather unusual situation. according to the oracle there would be no heir unless both stephen and titus sired it together. titus’ new love for his wife and, at least initially, his desire for an heir allowed him to break propriety. stephen and polly didn’t care about that. stephen loved polly and polly loved stephen and titus. stephen and titus were best friends, cousins and brothers in arms. soon it became an arrangement they could all live with and be relatively happy.
polly’s best damned, horrible habit of thinking for herself, not realizing she was supposed to be inferior in mind as well as body to her male counterparts, allows her to draw conclusions that shake the very core of her husband’s faith in the divine as well as the empire. when polly is on death’s door, bleeding from her eyes from pregnancy, stephen and titus break the law, turning to sorcery to pull her back to the land of the living. polycorpus was the only woman to survive giving birth to titus’ child and simultaneously stephen’s child-the twins. polly is a heroine without any desire to be. her uncanny humanity and self taught authority put her in charge of her life.
i am not sure if weyodi squid set out to write a truly feminist science fiction sex novel that highlights the most horrible aspects of classism and nationalism, but that is what she did. her depiction of polycorpus, the mother, is chilling and blood-boilingly accurate. polly’s inability to sit still and wait for anyone to tell her anything, stephen’s acknowledgement that polly was his intellectual equal and titus’ ability to see, admire and love polly despite no social standing are evidence that the status quo of londinium and the empire itself was not acceptable. the characterization of the elite class as monsters with magical powers, unwilling to do anything to better anyone other than the government and themselves, highlights today’s capitalist upper crust- those with everything, the only ones existing with ease or station, who have done or will do inhumane monstrous things to stay where they are. monster bride (monstrum mundi book 1) is no science fiction romance novel, it is a call to throw off the cloak of complacency and begin to take the helm of one’s own personal existence.

“You, stupid. You’re a menace to womankind. Whatever it is you put in them, sooner or later it’s deadly. Not so different than Stephen, except you take longer, so there’s more suffering. You think he’s defective, but you’re no better than he is. At least he bloody cares if he hurts people,” Polly said, grabbing Titus by his collar.
“I never,” Titus said, his eyes wide and his skin beginning to shimmer and fade, but Polly kept her grip tight on the cloth.” I never forced…anyone. I have never forced my myself on you.”
“You couldn’t force me if you tried, Titus Albinus,” Polly said her brain speeding like a train. “But as for the others, you do realize they had no choice, don’t you? Or do you think the women of the Empire have nothing better to do than die to make sure Titus Albinus has a baby? What’ll you do if you get one and it doesn’t go with the decor? Women, babies, wallpaper, other people; what’s the difference? We’re all just things to you. The only reason you want a baby of your own is because you haven’t got one and it’s hard to go out and buy one that’ll look good beside you in a portrait. It might as well be a diamond stick pin.”

go get this book! it’s great! to read free excepts and purchase your own copy of monster bride please visit
you will also find her poetry and excepts of her new series “the glicksberg chronicles available to read for free

“we will no doubt become more familiar with one another in time.” he shrugged then seemed to consider for a moment.”i could accomplish the consummation while invisible should you like, if the sight of a naked male makes you uneasy.”
“what a horrid suggestion!” polly said. “that would be positively uncanny,”
“i beg your pardon,” albinus said. ”my other wives like it.”
“well, i find it distasteful,” polly told him.”i want to see you, while, while i’m doing it.”
colonel albinus blinked. “i believe doing is my purview,” he said, bending to bring his face close to hers.
“well, that’s dull,” polly said forgetting her indignation to keep her arms over her breast.”


angel on your shoulder

“hon, just remember the lord ain’t gonna give you nothin you can’t handle!”

an interesting philosophy

something to snuggle up with by the fireplace

covered in soft cashmere

hair combed teeth whitened smelling of gardenias

this theory

this manner of determining how much shit one person can endure

a choir singing exemptions for social responsibility

a sweet honey of apathy

“i will be praying for you”

“it’s just a test of faith”

“the glory of god on high”

lighting candles kneeling rubbing rosary beads until fingertips blister

acceptable incantations in ritual

Absorbed consumed metabolized

“i believe in god, the father”

“full of grace”

“hail, mary, the lord is with thee”

blessed martyrs blah the poor friday’s fish and sunday’s hangover

the embodiment of god’s grace wearing rings of gold and chunks of teeth

the invisible palms of the omnipotent throwing humanity under the bus

the new ra-horakhty living suspended

in the sky of the western horizon

refusing to mingle with the commoners

above, aloof and standoffish

hosting the dinner party but refusing to welcome the guests at the door

only coming down to kick ’em in the ass on the way out with a wink and nod

big brass bands wide staircases of marble walls dripping scarlet velvet

not really the place for street rats and gutter trash

squatters without water

those that can remind those that can’t

sitting above it all sipping cognac

those of us not engulfed in holy flames

meager beggars at the door of heaven’s mansion

scraping bleeding fucking

anyway to get from monday to tuesday

in a somewhat unscathed fashion

walking almost whole into alleys

desperation is the best friend

of those who sleep in puddles

the rank mildew of humanity

in secret places

holding their breath

emerging from sewers

the underground penthouses of the rotting

streets filling with junkies and whores and junkie-whores line dancing

doing the downtown shuffle

eyes deep and bones protruding at 90° angles

knees scraped and bruised

the thick aroma of cock on exhalation

we don’t have no good times

there is nothing sacred going on here

the price of salvation rising with property taxes and suburban homes

your prayers don’t buy dinner

your faith is not tender we take

the sacrament, body and blood, a full meal for the starving

your righteous indignation and arrogance is not needed

we don’t need your gospels

poetry of psalms can’t keep us warm

hosanna who has come in the name of the lord has dodged and ducked

the masterful playwrite and kid are taking off leaving the bill unpaid

as you slip into your car and lock your door

fearing god’s blessed

the book of your truth and hope

your mythology gives no exception for the image created

the troll and the angel captured and melted together in a symphony

the art of life you turn away from

the purulent abscess the wretched those oozing on the corners with cups and signs

easily overlooked

the image of god forgotten and hidden

the christ with a needle in his arm


from Vantage Points by contritions of the phoenix publications

This has been a really hard month, politically speaking.

And I find myself asking, “How could this happen?” I think many people, myself included, did not take a Trump presidency seriously, including the media. Hell, I don’t think that Trump took the idea of a Trump presidency seriously.

Here in Austin, I think the same is true of much of big city America. I find myself surrounded by people, on social media and otherwise, whose worldview is basically the same as myself.

But I caught myself thinking about the rest of America. Driving around Texas, I drive through countless small towns which at one time were thriving. They had some industry, whether it be farming or a processing plant or a boot factory, at which many of the townspeople worked, and around it they were safe and were able to create a livelihood for their families, a future for their way of life.

And now those industries are gone, gone overseas and outsourced and given over to large multinationals and factory farming. And these towns, these people are holding on out of sheer stubbornness to a way of life they’ve always lived in.

And maybe those people have never known a transgender person, or knew that they knew a transgender person, and maybe those people have never known a gay person, or knew that they knew a gay person, and maybe they don’t know any Muslims or POCs.

And by-and-large, those people are afraid. They’re afraid of the modern world which they feel has left them behind, that there might be no place in the world today, for themselves, for their families, for what they’ve always known.

I may not agree with those people, but to a degree I understand their fear. I understand the feeling of isolation that the rest of the world has grown beyond them and left them behind.

Many of these people don’t consider themselves bigots. Many of these people are the people who voted for Trump. Beyond facts, they feel like their livelihoods are under attack. They are afraid of a world in which they no longer fit in. They feel like they need to go back to some fictionalized time when they were safe and comfortable, when their families were safe and comfortable.

Oftentimes, when encountered with a worldview vastly different from my own, I have been as guilty as anyone of shutting people out, of deleting people or blocking people from social media.

And I think this has been the great failure of the left recently: We’ve shut people out as unreachable or not worthy of consideration.

In a way, we’ve marginalized small-town America. We’ve left people marginalized in what we see as antiquated ways of thinking, and feeling marginalized, they’ve struck out in anger and in fear.

Now is the not the time to sit back and wait. The very things I find great about this country, inclusion and diversity, are under attack. We must mobilize and fight the forces that seek to counter that diversity. But, if we’re going to develop, to evolve as humans, as an American people, as a country, we must find a way to listen to people, to converse with people, with some degree of empathy, even when those conversations are uncomfortable or confrontational. This is something I seek to develop in myself.


dustin wyatt


Liberty’s Prodigal Children-By SD Westbrook

from Vantage Points contritions of the phoenix publications

President Donald Trump. The words seem surreal, even comical. Though as surely as there are letters on this page, that is our reality. Donald Trump is our first billionaire president. While I can accept that, I cannot pretend he is anything but what he has shown himself to be; rich, privileged and derisive.

Trump was born rich. Went to military school then on to a Prestigious college. Avoided military service during Vietnam and later joined his father’s business. He grew his families business by being a ruthless business man and priding himself on always making the next best deal regardless of who he stepped on. Trump has spent nearly his entire life marketing himself and his business(es) as being the self proclaimed best at everything. Donald Trump is the epitome of the greedy capitalist. At 70 years old he has spent a nearly half of a century swindling anyone he can. He was raised or at least came to embody ruthless capitalism at the expense of ethics and morals. His trample the weak and hurdle the dead business mentality has brought him the power and influence to force his way into the political arena. He is a child of the Era of Jim Crow, he grew up rich in a society that told he and his compatriots that they were the Masters of the Universe. While his peers where in the streets protesting Vietnam, or being drafted, he was in Business school. Trump’s beliefs and actions are Anglo-American Christian centric. His track record and his speeches have shown him to be racist, sexist, and anti-Muslim. But what makes him appeal to anyone, besides bigots…I mean the Alt-Right, is the fact that he campaigned as an Anti-Establishment Nationalist Capitalist. He’s no visionary, or even particularly Charismatic, he’s an opportunist. Trump is capitalizing on our distraction, disenfranchisement, apathy, and fear. The election ( or selection) of President Donald J. Trump is the inception of the overt rule of the American Oligarchs.

Trump is the embodiment of the Rich American Ruling class. He spreads his arms and tells the lie that he is just like you or at least willing to help you. That he is successful because he has worked hard and lived up to his potential…and so can you, if only you’d work harder. Therein lies the con; here is where he pulls the wool over our eyes. He is selling the idea that he’s got your back and those who can’t identify with him are brainwashed by the establishment. The establishment is the problem. The government is perpetuating the problem and only he can fix it. In truth he is doing all he can to entrench himself in wealth and power. Less than a quarter of America bought this lie and less than a quarter of America bought Hillary Clinton’s Lies. About 10 percent found truth in what the third or fourth parties had to say and more than half of America DID NOT VOTE. Half of America is so tired of being lied to that they just don’t care anymore and the other half were given the choice between two very rich lairs. However he was still selected by the Electoral College. The popular vote was subverted by guileful gerrymandering, deep pocketed donors, and a system designed to keep the hands of the wealthy on the steering wheel. That is true subjugation.

What is sad is that some Americans are just now realizing that there are people like Trump who are abusing their power, wealth, and authority. This is not news to some of us. Most people do not know that smiling faces of our rich elite are masks to hide their bigotry, sociopathy, and psychopathy. Donald Trump has just proven that it’s not necessary to hide behind their masks. His closest advisors and his cabinet are made up of Neo-Nazis, cronies, bigots, and billionaires, despite his promises to “Drain the Swamp”. He surrounds himself with yes-men and kleptocrats who reinforces his brazen xenophobic rhetoric. This is dangerous. Normalizing this type of behavior emboldens radical actions from groups on the fringes of the left and right. His nepotism, cronyism, and plutocratic practices will result in a shift from a republic with oligarchic undertones to a complete Oligarchy.


What is truly incomprehensible is that despite rich as he is, Trump is not special. We want to make him special so that his deception won’t hurt as much. The hard truth is there are a lot of Trumps in America. They are in control of our businesses, banks, and industry; in control of our country. The fact that this type of rich reprobate can now openly say what was once said behind the closed doors of mansions and board rooms out of fear of reprisal is absurd. What is more mystifying is that he was still elected, which says a lot about how desensitized we are. Trump isn’t special, Trump is just another crass, callous and corrupt capitalist who is too damn old to hide his bigotry with flowered words. I believe that Donald Trump is one of the first of many American Oligarchs who will occupy the White House if we don’t wake up. This will continue to be our reality if we can’t shake this apathetic bystander mentality. We, the American people, must assert ourselves and our right to govern ourselves and direct our own future.

greed fear and horse hockey

from vantage points: a contritions of the phoenix publication

so it’s finally happened…the executive branch of our government has been taken over by snidely whiplash.  that is not the only problem-the legislative branch has been taken over by those at snidely’s command.  this means that our government is being lead by maniacal villainous cartoon characters.  it would be funny if it weren’t such a dangerous situation.  we are in trouble.

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there is no need to go into all of the bullshit that is going on.  it’s bad.  It’s scary as hell.  and it’s just begun.

there are reasons to be hopeful.  there are things we can do to try to stay afloat.  we have to work together.


there has to be an end to the war of the distressed.  i understand that some of us realized we have been in this muck hip-deep from birth.  there are several people that i respect very much who have known their entire life, due to their own personal intersectionality-shit’s deadly.   but if we deny someone access to the support, community, advocacy, comradery needed to keep humanity together just because they haven’t seen the war before, we are losing allies and we are no better than those who are opposing us.  We are dividing our forces by drawing the same lines we are opposing.  the powers that be don’t have to fight us, we are doing a damn good job of that by ourselves.  if we are in the trenches together, fucking get with it.  the 63 year old cis-white man probably hasn’t been aware he was a part of a problem or even that there was a problem until now, but here he is….why would we turn our backs on him when he is now a part of the chain that will keep the collective us from drowning in this rottenness?  i for one am tired of being analyzed as to if i am “un” enough to be a part of revolutionary actions.  do i meet enough of the requirements to link arms and fight?  there are people who approach me all the time feeling as though they don’t belong in advocacy work because they have been alienated, and i myself have felt that way several hundred times.  if we are looking to break down the walls of oppression, we cannot be what our oppressors are.


we have to help where we can.

looking around, seeing people in need and walking away because those people are not the kind of people we want to help is committing a hate crime.  as a society we still have the tone that if people work hard enough, try hard enough, do enough they will rise up and be somebody.  well, that is 20 tons of horse hockey!  there are more people than jobs.  we have millions of homeless.  we have millions who will never get a proper education.  we have veterans who tried to do something about what was classified as “evil” in the world, who cannot function in the society that expedited their deterioration.  there are people with mental disorders who are denied help constantly and consistently.  people can’t pay their rent working 2 jobs.

it doesn’t take martyrdom to help people when you can.  once a month, our family spends about $20 total to make food and deliver it to people in our community who are panhandling or homeless.  when people find out that we do this, we hear “well, if those people would (1) get a job (2) stop doing drugs (3) stop drinking (4) take their crazy pills (5) some random combo of the aforementioned  reasons they wouldn’t need charity!”   

wealth is not an appraisal of morality.  which is more telling: a person who is asking for help or one who is refusing to help when they can?


we continue despite what the they are doing.  freedom, liberty, equality are not given to us.  we have them.  our rights are inherent not doled out by an omnipotent government.  we do not exist for the government-the government exists for the people.  for so long we have waited for permission to do, to be, to say, to think, to act.  we have forgotten there are other options.  we are the food for the hydra.  it lives on our fear, on our free will, on our resignation and mostly on our money.  

we have to get back to the basics.  we have to look around and take care of what we see in front of us.  we cannot sit in our homes, too afraid to move, waiting for the next sneaky snakey villain to emerge from who knows where.  we cannot hand our children a world motivated solely on fear.  don’t get me wrong, i have no death wish.  i am afraid that the kkk or freaked out meth-head neonazis will show up rounding up the freak of the week, but if that happens tomorrow i will have done everything today that i can do to make those summabitches know i was here.  that means, for me, speaking my mind, helping my fellow humans, listening to good music, reading books, loving who i love, not apologizing for who i am, talking to people and never forgetting that i am and always will be free.

community before government

most of the people in my life, both personally and professionally, have been hit hard by the election. i cried. i have allowed myself fear, asking those around me if it is a healthy fear or paranoia, and honestly i think it is both.
we have a president-elect who is known for bad business deals, bad marriages and a truly bad hairstyle. we know he is a monster-but here we are.
i have read many articles and commentary about what is happening, but what i am seeing above and beyond the initial fear, shock and awe of this, is a knowledge that we need each other. this is a time when we hold our hands out to neighbors, to make sure the needs of the whole are met. we don’t need a government to manage our communities, we need each other.
we need feet to ground actions-black lives matters, food not bombs, the standing rock anti-dakota pipeline protests. we need compassion and consideration-there will be more of a need for donations to food banks. we need voices to help carry and protect our humanity-research, create, distribute. there is a way for everyone to find a space in creating our new direction, even if it is a simple hug and some words of encouragement.